You're alive, but you're not a part of LIFE.
You just .....ARE.
Many times I just want to stop all of the medications and just DEAL with the pain, but when I try, I find it too much to deal with, and .......
It has become obvious over the last two years that since I don't have insurance, no doctor will treat me.
I go to the "specialists", Pain management doctor's, and they tell me what I already know.
I walked into their office with MRI's, X-rays, Neurologists' reports, Rheumatologists' reports, S.S. Disability reports.
They just charge me the office calls (which was difficult to afford in the first place) and send me on my way.
And they knew ahead of time that I was coming to them for them to become my pain management physician.
They don't say why they didn't schedule a next appointment and get me on the right pain meds to give me back a quality of life, and they don't have to, apparently.
I have a G.P. writing my pain meds, and my Neurologist writing my Muscle relaxers and Lyrica.
But NEITHER will take over the role of the other, and my pain is being under-treated.
So I suffer.
And I do the best I can to try to stay positive and feel like I have some semblance of LIFE.
A Life I used to know.
But my dreams lately are about reliving my past life.
The mistakes I made, and the way I responded passively to much of the adversity life throws at us leaves me feeling even more inadequate when I wake up than I already do anyway.